b-day picnic

Since Josh turned one, he had to get his immunizations. 4 in total. Unfortunately he missed his morning nap so he was extra fussy. Did he ever scream! Poor guy.

Nothing a day at the lake and some birthday cake couldn't fix. 

House help on Josh's b-day

This weekend Josh's aunt, uncle and Grandpa came to visit.(my family) Josh had his first taste of sugar with birthday cake. We just put it on his tray and let him smear it all over his face. It was the cutest thing! As far as presents, he almost had more fun with the wrapping paper than the actual gifts. Babies just love paper for some reason.

It was nice to have my brother over to cut the lawn and trim the hedges. Being alone with Josh; I find it difficult to do yard work. I have to put him in the back carrier and tote him around as I rake leaves, or pick weeds etc. It was so nice to have some help!!!!!!!

Something as trivial as driving to the grocery store to pick up a few items even became so much easier. Just get in the car and go; what a concept. No diaper bags, bottles, stroller; no changing the baby to go out and fighting to get him into his car seat. No dragging the dog along so he wouldn't cause havoc while I was gone. It was so liberating, yet at the same time I felt like a part of me was missing and couldn't shake this awful feeling of forgetting something. Another reminder that my life has changed forever. I wouldn't have it any other way though.

Mom's b-day without her

Today is my mom's birthday; her first birthday since she died. 

It is so strange; the feeling that I no longer have a mother. I can't just call her up if I have a question about what to do with the baby or tell her new things that he's doing. If only she could see Josh today. How much he's grown and how cute he is. Maybe she can see? I wish her the best birthday ever with the angels. 

Today, at this time last year was also my due date for Josh. Little did I know at the time that he'd be a week late. I was so nervous and excited and had no idea what to expect. Was is a boy or a girl? My only wish was that it would be a healthy baby. I was so filled with optimism. In my mind I was envisioning a smooth, fast delivery. I had no idea what was in store for me. I was also scared because the baby's heart beat was slow and they talked about inducing me as a result, but they promised this was nothing to worry about. They said it was because there was so little room to move because the baby filled all the space. I continued helping with renovations and laid some slate tiles. We had just moved 5 days earlier. My mom said that if he was born on this day, it would have been the best birthday present she could have hoped for. Secretly I hoped all the bending and movement of me laying tiles would have helped push the baby out:)

Well, mom where ever you are, happy birthday! 

Welcome to my Blog!

Hi, my name is Marian and I am a first time mother. It's been a tough road, but I love it. I come from the fast-paced Toronto design/advertising world; to that of stay-at-home mom, in a small hippie mountain town. I am still dealing with the fact that my precious son has Down syndrome and that I am raising him as a single mom. One month after my son was born, my dear mother died of cancer; life and death simultaneously-what a shock!

On this blog I will cover everything and anything in regards to being a new mom. No one ever saw me as the "mom" type. My life is insane as you will soon see. I still wear a smile despite all the bad and sometimes traumatic experiences. I admit awkwardness as I move into motherhood. 

I've had a traumatic, almost fatal birth experience, which you will not believe! (Currently being reviewed by the Vancouver and Interior BC patient care center) As a result of my experience at the Vancouver Women's/Children's hospital, I have been diagnosed with postpartum depression? I will also talk about this. No subjects are off limits. Issues on this blog will also include my recent weight gain and the struggle for weight loss, miscarriage, healthy eating, recipes for baby, recipes for mom, and whatever else comes my way. 

I've traded my designer clothes for t-shirt's and flip flops. I've gone from being at the center of the social scene to being a complete loner. I'm having a hard time relating to my existing friends- who are all single and fabulous. 

Yet I strangely love the anonymity.

I welcome you to be my new friends, as I transition into this new life, different from anything I know.